Advice From The Comic Hack 166 – The Family Horrors From Beyond The Grave Edition

Jul 07

Advice From The Comic Hack 166 – The Family Horrors From Beyond The Grave Edition

As a collector and distributor of wise and comical quotes I really like the work of American author Mary Wilson Little. I’ve collected many of her gems, today I share this: “The tombstone is about the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.”  When you read today’s column Miss Little’s thought for the day will really strike home. Also striking home are the thoughts of another Mary, American poet Mary Oliver who instructs us that “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then reimagine the world.”  HELLO One and All!  I have returned from an unplanned but completely necessary hiatus and today marks my triumphant return to scribbling down advice and genitally-based humor for you, my Darling Readers. In an effort to stay on track I have written three columns in advance and have even begun the follow-up to my series “So You Want To Work At The Renaissance Festival”… so stop pestering me Okay? Classic Greek bad-boy Plato tells us “Those who tell the stories rule society.”  And in today’s ADVICE COLUMN the estranged mother of a Darling Reader has some whoppers to tell FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. I have somehow managed to avoid zombie references in today’s column. For this I should be applauded. So I promise to do my level best to publish this column once a week for at least the next three weeks. I’d like you to promise to read this column. I’d like you to share this column. And for goodness sake send more interesting questions in so I can answer them in future (hopefully timely) columns to advicequestions@comichacksguide.com  Hi,  So, being unemployed at the moment I can’t afford a therapist. Wondering if you will step in? 🙂 Here’s my issue. I had, as so many people have, a rather difficult childhood fraught with emotional and physical abuse doled out by my stepfather and denied by my unprotective mother. My step father abandoned five children by his first marriage to move to California with my mother and me. He also had a daughter by my mother, my half sister, 12 years my junior, who was throughout my childhood the very much favorite child. My...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 165 – The Venting, Venty, Venti and “The Comic Hack Needs Your Help” Edition

Apr 29

Advice From The Comic Hack 165 – The Venting, Venty, Venti and “The Comic Hack Needs Your Help” Edition

When he wasn’t writing thinly–veiled Christian metaphor and giving us some very confusing ideas about closets, Clive Staples Lewis – British novelist, poet, academic, medievalist, literary critic, essayist, lay theologian, broadcaster, lecturer, and friend to J. R. R. Tolkein – told us “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.”  Brilliant! We all have differing ideas on what makes a friend, what’s required of a friend and how far is too far for a friend to impose. As “Even sexier German export than Porsche 911 Turbo Carrera” –  Marlene Dietrich said “It’s the friends you can call up at 4am that matter.” Now I may be barking up the wrong lesbian suggesting this – but ‘Golden Age’ Marlene could have called me up at any time. Bring Hedy Lamar by, let’s party! In today’s column I not only address a Darling Reader’s struggle with a friend who’s venting and damaging their calm, I also ask a huge favor of those folks who want to see this column continue. So read, like share and submit questions for future columns to advicequestions@comichacksguide.com   When is a friendship pushing limits into being toxic?  There are always points where friends turn to vent or confide in you if only to hear it vocalized; I have several. But, despite always being an open ear to venting and never bring it up again, there are some that take advantage of it. One in particular has been pushing limits on my emotional spectrum to where it seems more like I’m an emotional punching bag and verbal abuse trash can than a friend. I understand their current situation and stress levels, but I’ve also repeatedly told them that if whatever they are mad about is directly involving me they can direct it to me, but if their anger is at someone else and not me that I don’t deserve the hostilities. Is that so wrong of me? When I was in high school I stumbled on this clever little book that I liked so much that I stole it, and subsequently made the librarian charge me for it so that I could keep...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 164 – The Closure, Koans and James Earl Jones Edition

Mar 11

Advice From The Comic Hack 164 – The Closure, Koans and James Earl Jones Edition

Many, many sources erroneously attribute this quote – “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned” to sixth –to-fourth century BCE wise guy Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha. Funny Story – It turns out history’s second-most-famous jolly-fat-man never said it.    In our modern times we often look for answers in the weirdest places. Ancient tomes, Eastern wisdom or Doctor-of-god-knows-what freaking Phil have all become sources of quips, koans and fortune cookie guidance. Now you can add me to that list. In bed.  If you didn’t know – a “koan” is defined as: a paradoxical anecdote or riddle, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment. As a philosopher, adviser and guru I stick with logic but I DO tend to swear more and use a bunch more genital references in guiding my Darling Readers towards enlightenment. Actual Buddhist Monk, as well as teacher, author, poet and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh has opined that “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” But Your humble Comic Hack isn’t completely convinced that that fortune cookie rings true. In today’s Column a Darling Reader wants my advice on confronting her crappy father and gaining a sense of closure.  My answer might involve looking within for answers. It might also involve Arsenic. Read on to see if I lead this reader on a gilded path or not. Also – I LOVED getting this newest question. You can (and should) submit questions for me to answer in future columns by emailing them to advicequestions@comichacksguide.com  I am not sure if this is your area of expertise, but I needed someone who is not in the situation to advise me on what to do. I have never done this before and I am a little terrified, but here goes. I have not talked to my father in fifteen years (I have actually seen him in this time frame after his mother passed and around town; he tends to dodge both me and my little brother). My mother has essentially raised me as a single parent since I was...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 163 – Should This Have A Trigger Warning? – “I Like Big Girls And I Cannot Lie” Edition.

Feb 25

Advice From The Comic Hack 163 – Should This Have A Trigger Warning? – “I Like Big Girls And I Cannot Lie” Edition.

Trigger warning? trigger warning? TRIGGER WARNING!!! “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it”. Those wise words were supposedly penned by philosopher, politician and author, Confucius. You have no idea how hard it was for me to NOT start the preceding sentence with the words “Confucius Say…” in my best, vaguely racist, Sidney Toler voice! In his book Proverbs William Scott Downey tells us “Judge nothing by the appearance. The more beautiful the serpent, the more fatal its sting” Regrettably, I am just pedantic enough to point out that though I deeply respect the sentiment vis-à-vis beauty and danger; it is factually inaccurate. I also cannot help but point out that snakes do not possess stings. Stupid William Scott Downey! Today I give my two cent’s worth to a reader lamenting how society views curvy girls. While I weigh in – pun intended – I’d like to once again ask you to “like” “share” and comment on this article to your little heart’s content. One More thing: This column was originally published in July of 2014. It is one of the most controversial and discussed articles I have ever written. It also sparked a HUGE debate on whether this author was responsible for the reactions of people who stumbled-across the very jarring photo I used as the feature image – and a whole discussion about *TRIGGER WARNINGS* and *RESPONSIBILITY*.  Also, expect ALL  NEW CONTENT for next week’s article. Darling Readers have submitted some really GREAT questions for future articles. You can submit yours to advicequestions@comichacksguide.com   So, after meeting my husband I started gaining weight.  After our second child I lost weight and was back to my size in high school.  Ironically, at my 10 year high school reunion we party too much and well got preggers with our third kid.  Gained all my weight back and haven’t been able to lose it.  That was 10 years ago and my perspective has changed.  While yes, I would love to look like a super model so I am not always overlooked.  But whether you believe it or not, I have come to a place, that has me accepting that I am going to be a big girl.  Besides, I have big boobs and I...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 162 – The Grief From A Mother’s Passing Edition

Jan 13

Advice From The Comic Hack 162 – The Grief From A Mother’s Passing Edition

William Shakespeare, a playwright of some note wrote “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.” Grief comes in all shapes and forms. In today’s special edition column I help a reader confront the loss of a loved one. I am publishing yet another entry from the good-ol days from when this column was just a lark on the Renaissance Festivals Facebook Page. I am doing this for THREE REASONS: I am STILL collecting questions for future columns. I got some GREAT ones last week but I need more I am flying away to a vacation for two weeks and I really should be packing right now Most importantly: A fan wrote me and asked me to repost this very entry. So enjoy today’s column which I hope to eventually include in a book and/or an Ebook AND don’t forget to submit questions for future columns to advicequestions@comichacksguide.com I have a question for your column. How do you deal with the loss of the person you loved the most? I just lost my mom over the weekend and I’m not sure how to deal with the grief The thing is – maybe you don’t.  Maybe you don’t deal with a loss this profound so soon after it happens? Grief is a huge thing; monstrous in almost every way.  There is no “correct” way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently and it is a process, a journey of many steps. There is no timetable, no schedule and no finish line. You may find that you wish to cry if so, cry. J. R. R. Tolkien in the voice of kindly wizard Gandalf himself said “I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.” You may find that your method is to bottle your feelings up inside yourself – and if that is your wish and not some expectancy place on you from outside – then so be it. If someone tells you to be strong, tell them I said to pack sand up their ass with a steam shovel. You may find that you need to be alone or surrounded by people. Crying is to be expected of course...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 161 – The Sexy Aliens, Life’s Passions and I Need Your Responses Edition

Jan 07

Advice From The Comic Hack 161 – The Sexy Aliens, Life’s Passions and I Need Your Responses Edition

Some of my advice columns open with a quote, others open with a joke. Today’s column opens with a warning – Here there be Aliens! There is a Thai proverb which says “When the river rises the fish eats the ants. When the river falls the ants eat the fish”. I’m going to leave it up to you my Darling Readers to determine how that applies to a question concerning passion and paths and living your life partly because I LOVE mystery but mostly because I need some input from ALL of you readers and I’ll address those needs at the end of today’s column. But be assured one of the things I’m definitely going to ask is for you to submit questions for me to answer in future columns by emailing me at advicequestions@comichacksguide.com   How do you incorporate your passion for one thing in life when others lead you down a path that you’re not as happy with?   As Master Po of 70’s TV classic Kung Fu said “Balance Grasshopper”. Balance in all things. Your question is a little vague – as vague as my notion of where I left my pants last night. What “others” are leading you down the wrong path? Is it other people? Is it other priorities? Is it aliens? I bet it is aliens; those sneaky anal-probing bastards! Those aliens are so unreliable too. If I had a dollar for every night I spent haunting some lonely backwoods road , dressed nice, smelling good, waiting for the aliens… just hoping for my turn to get my turn with a grey-skinned extra-terrestrial hottie — but I digress. I think of myself as a libertine, an adventurer and a great example of the maxim “Do what you love and the money will follow” as well as the old Confucius stand-by “Choose a job that you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”. Your humble author had what can only be described as a mid-life crisis at the ripe old age of 23. I threw away everything I had on a roll of the dice so that I might one day end up here; living in Travel Trailer in a Desert...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 160 – The “This Is Our Thanksgiving Tradition” Edition

Nov 26

Advice From The Comic Hack 160 – The “This Is Our Thanksgiving Tradition” Edition

I’m taking the week off because THANKSGIVING. Every year I post this – It’s become my THANKSGIVING TRADITION. I am still just as touched, just a moved to tears by this amazing video. I tell you – a lot, to be products of your past, not victims of it. Hear it again, better. Each Year I write: I hope you are each and every one thankful and have much to be thankful for. I certainly do. Enjoy yourself. Love yourself. Respect yourself. I’m taking today off  – enjoy this amazing poem. I wish I had ever written anything as beautiful and moving as this.  It’s still one of the most poignant things I have ever seen.  “If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself GET A BETTER...

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