Advice From The Comic Hack 168 – The Just Friends And Listening To Your Voices Edition

Jul 21

Advice From The Comic Hack 168 – The  Just Friends And Listening To Your Voices Edition

For my third column after my return from hiatus I’d like to present a joke I just wrote. In an incredible departure from my established norm – it doesn’t even involve genitals. “How many advice columnists does take to change a light bulb? Darling Reader – I can’t change the light bulb but perhaps I can inspire it to want to change itself?”

Speaking of darkness and light Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, pioneering researcher on death and dying, codifier of the Five Stages of Grief and my personal Angel of Death had this to say – but I think she meant it to apply to those still living. “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.” Today a Darling Reader when confronted with her partner’s stunning revelation responds in a way that surprises her and pleases me. She shone from within. Now she wants to know how to not be crushed in the aftermath.  All I ask of you is to SHARE this post and to submit questions for future columns to advicequestions@comichacksguide.com

This is what i fund when i sought death...

Doctor Kubler- Ross looks like THIS in my head.

 

 I got the “Let’s be friends” speech this morning and my response shocked even myself, I said “That’s OK, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t really want me.” I packed up my things and left and I feel strangely calm. It still hurts though… and even though I feel like he is a dumb ass for not seeing me as worthwhile how do I NOT listen to that unwanted voice inside of me that tries to tell me I am unlovable?

 

Would it be unfair to say that I'd eat Dita's peach all day long?

Would it be unfair to say that I’d eat Dita’s peaches all day long?

Now before we can get to answering your questions I must allow that it’s possible that NOT being more than friends (or other than friends) was  this fellow’s intent all along and that he was just clarifying things to clear up confusion he senses in you. But that’s not what this sounds like Darling Reader. That’s not how this ‘reads’. That’s not what I am going to respond to. M’kay?

As for your response this morning: I cannot tell you how proud I am of you, how proud I am FOR you. Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause! What makes me so proud – what I need to congratulate you on is that you displayed an understanding of your own self-worth. Knowing that you are to be treasured and expressing it is rare and deserving of praise. Brava, dearie Brava! So many people settle, or trade away their hopes and dreams because they don’t know their value or at the very least their “For Sale” price – and deep down in the dark parts of their soul they fear they don’t deserve any better than what they have.

Shia salutes your wise choices

Shia LaBeouf  salutes your wise choices

As my editor just whispered seductively in my ear – the sense of loss you feel is perfectly normal, as is the tendency to question yourself. You feel rejected because you have been rejected. How could that not be a blow to your self-esteem? Even when you know that you deserve better it’s part of our human frailty to ask yourself “what’s wrong with me?” Even when you know that you’re better-off without this knucklehead it’s perfectly understandable to mourn a relationship that you might not have even wanted. He’s done you a favor. He’s saved you wasting time and energy on a trip down a dead-end street. I’d tell you that you’ll figure that out in time – but my feelings are that you already have.

You have taken a stand, drawn a line in the sand and expect the world to meet your demand…Okay that last was a bit of a stretch but I really wanted to continue the rhyming scheme. Just knowing that you don’t have to settle; just knowing what you want and what you can accept… possessing the bonafide ability to brook no shit makes you potent beyond belief. You are formidable. You are a superhero. Your super-power is self-esteem. And your Kryptonite is that nagging voice that tries to shake your belief in yourself.

An example of SUPER proportions

An example of SUPER proportions

As to how you should address this blow to your self-confidence, how you should muzzle that unwanted voice, how you should combat that icy whisper in the back of your mind; let me reassure you – you’re closer than you think. You’re more potent than you think. Joan Baez said, “Action is the antidote to despair” So do something. Get Mad. Get Even. Get Over him. Get Distracted. Get a Hobby. Get Dating. Get Laid. Get Out there! All of these options are in your control. Don’t let the weasel of self-doubt gnaw away at you. You made a good choice. Keep doing so. Be the captain of your ship not a helpless passenger. The secret is confidence. You’ve already shown that you know how to stand up for yourself… now you just have to make yourself believe it.

Dropping truth like... Say it with me: BOMBS! "boom"

Dropping truth like… Say it with me: BOMBS! “boom”

Let me tell you a secret for dealing with life’s turmoil and the insecurities that come with it: You have living within you two aspects to your personality. One who builds you up, one who tears you down. Friend and foe.  You have your very own Jekyll and Hyde trapped in your noisy noggin. Those voices in are both your most ardent cheerleader and your fiercest critic. The obvious answer is – since only ONE of those two is there to help you, side with supportive Doc J and ignore that denigrating Hyde! Here’s a secret about me – for whatever reason, every single time I fly on an airplane I watch all the fantasy/fight scenes from the drastically underrated, Zack Snyder movie “Sucker Punch”. I’ll end this column with the final words from this beautiful, flawed, and honestly; silly movie because it sums up what I have just told you. Think of it as your cheat code – because it will help strengthen your resolve, because you hold the power to control your mindset and because it just sounds so cool. “Who Honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us…and at the same time sings that we’ll never die? Who teaches us what’s real…and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we’ll die to defend? Who chains us…and who holds the key that can set us free?

It’s you.

You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!”

For some reason I am so drawn to this "philosopher"

For some reason I am so drawn to this “philosopher

 

And that’s going to bring my 168th ADVICE COLUMN to a close. As always please leave some COMMENTS for me below. SHARE. LIKE, TWEET and… How about CB Radio? Does anyone use Citizen’s Band anymore? MOST IMPORTANTLY:  Please submit the questions YOU want answered in future columns to advicequestions@comichacksguide.com

12 comments

  1. Your Humble Comic Hack /

    Do YOU hear voices? How do you keep them in check? How do you know which one to abide? Is it just me or was SUCKER PUNCH a much better movie than folks realize? I look forward to your input!

  2. Mama Bear /

    I call them rabbit holes, but I guess they are voices. Moments of self doubt… the angel or the devil on your shoulder trying to convince you that your decision was wrong or right. I always tell my self that I am aloud to look at the rabbit hole, stand at the edge of the rabbit hole… even throw a rock to see how deep it goes, but I am not going to follow it down to the bottom. Granted I have jumped in headfirst before and it takes a long while to get back out. She is lucky, she saw the rabbit hole for a brief second, gave it the middle finger and turned around and continued on with her life. That is the only way to heal. Like you said BRAVO! Yes, Sucker Punch was a way better movie than I anticipated.

  3. Laura /

    My anxiety/depression definitely likes to trap me in the “you’re worthless” rabbit holes. Thought tornadoes. They will wrap me up and whirl me around and around and around. The good news is, I am listening more and more to the positive voices that say, “You are awesome as you are”. I think it helps having others say it, too. I have been saying it more often to others. Sometimes we forget to say, you are awesome just as you are!

    • Your Humble Comic Hack /

      I heard it described also as “Which wolf will win? The one you feed”

  4. Sue Coon /

    I’ve only recently learned how to quiet the Hyde voices so I can hear the Doc J. It’s made a huge difference in my peace of mind. Which motivates me to keep Hyde shut up.

    • Your Humble Comic Hack /

      Small steps every day… That’s all any of us can do

  5. Brit /

    I went through something similar to the Reader, though my response took me longer to say, and wasn’t nearly as poignant. I fought for sanity for a long time before I stood up for myself. What helped me with the voices was saying,out loud, ‘I’m not perfect, I’m progressing!’

  6. garbski /

    While getting ready for an outdoor concert my bf starts getting texted by an ex gf wanting to know if he’s going. Yeah that made me feel ever so special and my inside voice is going “Run”. But then I asked him “do you keep friends with your ex girlfriends?” and he replied “Yes, sometimes.” So I told him “I burn my bridges behind me so if an ex texts me it’s grounds for a restraining order.” The look on his face was priceless. But I felt better saying it because it’s who I am. So we talked for a bit and he realized it might not be the best thing to do.I just think that you need to move on because if “let’s be friends” hurt you then you don’t need that business.

    • Your Humble Comic Hack /

      There’s nothing wrong with being friends with an ex – if everyone shares the correct agenda. You can also be setting yourself up for a world of unnecessary drama… choose wisely

  7. Raven Morningstar /

    I do not believe it’s possible to be friends. It just means more drama down the road. It puts all that self doubt back into the picture when you are around that person. Let go and move on. That is the worst thing in my book you can say. In cases like these it’s OK to burn the bridges. Burn the bridge, bring the marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate and enjoy.

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