Advice From The Comic Hack 143 – The “Closet Or Crusader Dilemma” Edition

Apr 30

Advice From The Comic Hack 143 – The “Closet Or Crusader Dilemma” Edition

Pajama Aficionado Hugh Hefner – a publisher of some note and facilitator of pre-internet masturbation tells us “Life is too short to be living somebody else’s dream.” He’d certainly know. Actor, Dancer, Magic Mike-er Channing Tatum explains “Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.” This is one hundred percent true. Finally this gem “The only rule is don’t be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.” comes from entrepreneur, mogul, and night-vision film star Paris Hilton herself. I could not agree more.   Today I aspire to step up to the pantheon of philosophers Hefner, Tatum and Hilton with my own offering about how short life can be – perhaps even surpassing the un-attributable “It’s not that life is too short it’s just that you’re dead for so long” as I seek to advise a Darling Reader struggling with her coming out in the deep-and-dirty south. I might fall short – especially of the wisdom of Paris. As always I will also ask all of you Darling Readers to Read, Like and Share this column far and wide. And PLEASE  – Submit interesting questions for future columns to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com I’m a 30 year old woman and I’ve spent almost 8 years of life with some pretty horrible men; after the last divorce I decided to spend time focusing on myself and in the process of healing I realized that part of the problem is that I’m not all that interested in men. I grew up in a fairly liberal state, went to college in a very gay friendly city and have friends that are gay so this isn’t upsetting to me, more than anything it’s just confusing. I’ve been pretty open about this with close friends and they’ve all been very accepting. I currently live in the deep south. I live in a very rural area. My next door neighbors on the right have a confederate flag painted on the side of their trailer and my neighbors on the left are cows and corn. I also live in a state that does not provide legal protections from discrimination to LGBTQ citizens. I work in...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 142 – The Déjà Vu Question About Divorce And Children Edition

Apr 16

Advice From The Comic Hack 142 – The Déjà Vu Question About Divorce And Children Edition

(Editor’s note: part of this week’s column originally appeared on the page where this column got its start – the Renaissance Festivals Facebook Page. All 99 of those original columns have been removed and a choice selection of them will be appearing in the upcoming book “The Comic Hack’s Guide to Life” – Please enjoy today’s Déjà vu edition as our columnist recovers from an extremely long and trying cross-country trip and the set-up involved in running his many businesses at the Georgia Renaissance Festival. We swear the cause for the tardiness  isn’t a hangover)   Three-time Pulitzer Prize winning poet Carl Sandburg tells us “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.”  You could do worse than to spend your time today reading this advice column! A reader seeks my sagacity in dealing with the issues involved in remaining in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children. I hope to advise them towards a better path. Also in today’s column I take on questions involving short time and hard choices. I can only hope that your time is not so short that I can’t count on you to leave some comments in the “Comment” section below. If you have questions for future columns please go ahead and submit them to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com While you’re at it please go ahead and share this column using the links provided. I’ll give you a cookie!    I have been married for 20 years. Over the last several years my spouse and I have grown apart in several ways. The “marital bed” has now become separate bedrooms. Any hint, suggestion or direct proposition towards intimate quality time falls on deaf ears (always somewhere to go, something else to do, etc). I try to help where I can as far as the household chores (laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning) but there is always something else. I have the luxury of being able to work from home and my spouse is currently unemployed. The little things that most newly-wed couples go through as they learn to live together have been an on-going issue...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 141 – The “I Don’t Even Know Where To Start In Describing This BS Relationship Edition”

Apr 02

Advice From The Comic Hack 141 – The “I Don’t Even Know Where To Start In Describing This BS Relationship Edition”

Feminist and author Marilyn French once said “… love is insanity. The ancient Greeks knew that. It is the taking over of a rational and lucid mind by delusion and self-destruction. You lose yourself, you have no power over yourself, you can’t even think straight.” And both sadly and delightedly this is often true. However; author, cosmologist, science popularizer, astro-physicist, astro-biologist, Astr-botanist,astro-nomer, and astro-whatever-the-hell-else-you-can-think-of, and one of my personal heroes Carl Muthafuken Sagan had a different take “it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring” I wonder whose take your Humble Comic Hack will find more in line with his philosophy?  My editor today is an absurdly hot Asian that slept over last night. This editor has a rule that I can put no more than two quotes in my column introductions. This will not be the first, or last time I disappoint this sexy editor since I want to share what 16th century Indian wise man Guru Nanak has said “Let no man in the world live in delusion. Without a Guru none can cross over to the other shore.”  This wisdom also applies both to and about the ladies. Today one of my Darling Readers – for that is what I have chosen to refer to you all as – has spun a sad, confusing tale about her life. Though she’s unclear in what she’s asking I’m quite-clear in what she needs. Meanwhile I need you, all of you Darling Readers to Read, Like and Share this column far and wide. Also – Submit interesting questions for future columns to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com  I left 25 + year marriage about 4 years ago and it was abusive on every level. I was married too young and do not have much social experience. I have gone out with a couple of other men and the experiences were mixed.. I ran back to where I feel safe but I wonder if – like through all those years of marriage – I am not still wearing those rose colored glasses. This man is not abusive in any way but the situation is not ideal or socially acceptable. He is the...

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