Advice From The Comic Hack 128 – The Déjà Vu Question From A Musician With Some Problems Edition

Aug 20

Advice From The Comic Hack 128 – The Déjà Vu Question From A Musician With Some Problems Edition

(Editor’s note: part of this week’s column originally appeared on the page where this column got its start – the Renaissance Festivals Facebook Page. All 99 of those original columns have been removed and a choice selection of them will be appearing in the upcoming book “The Comic Hack’s Guide to Life” – Please enjoy today’s Déjà vu edition as our columnist recovers from some illness which we swear isn’t a hangover) In his seminal book of philosophy and prose Khalil Gibran’s prophet AL Mustafa tells his petitioners “Yea, I shall return with the tide”.  Since I’ve never read the book, I cannot vouch AL Mustafa’s veracity nor for his prescience. I may with complete confidence declare “Surf’s up!” as Yea, today I dive into another thorny Advice Column Question. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe was not only one of the original members of Bauhaus and therefore one of the Founding  Fathers of Goethe-ic or “Gothic” music. He was also a vampire, an assassin and a Buddha.  (Editor’s note: None of that preceding sentence is even slightly true.) He also sagely opined “Wherever a man may happen to turn, whatever a man may undertake, he will always end up by returning to the path which nature has marked out for him.” This is just my fancy-pants way of announcing to the world “I’m sorry I was ill today but I didn’t want you to have to go without this week’s Advice Column”. Today I tackle a question from a musician damned to a hell of her own making. I hope you join me as I travel down my path especially if you take note of the path-side billboards asking you to “Like” “Share” and “Comment” on this column. I’m so subtle! Also do not forget to submit questions for future columns to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com I am a 20 year old college student who recently had to change colleges and temporarily give up on my dream career path due to the lies spread by 2 complete assholes who decided that they were going to make my life living hell because things didn’t turn out the way they wanted. The first asshole was my roommates boyfriend. He was (and probably still is) an...

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Advice From The Comic Hack 127 – The “Why Can’t I Forget About The Guy Who’s Just Not That Into… (Etc.)” Edition

Aug 13

Advice From The Comic Hack 127 – The “Why Can’t I Forget About The Guy Who’s Just Not That Into… (Etc.)” Edition

Once upon a time there was a hip improv comedian with a soul patch beard. This ambitious comic wit wrote a book; a sort of a self-help thing where he advised people, comically, to help make their lives better and more functional. With jokes! Later this comic became an actor, TV host and movie star as well as a rich, respected, best-selling author. I’m talking of course about Greg Behrendt, author of “He’s just not that into you” and not about me; your Humble Comic Hack.  According to Wikipedia Behrendt was also  a script consultant for the HBO sitcom Sex and the City, “offering script notes from the perspective of a straight man to the writing team, composed of women and gay men” I’m so jealous! One of my favorite Behrendt quotes tells us “It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less — even a vague pathetic facsimile of less — than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don’t settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.” Damn he’s good. Not a single dick joke in there anywhere! I hate him in the way only a truly envious, petty man can! Today a reader needs my advice because she suspects her hoped-for paramour is just not that… Nope, I’m not gonna use that trademarked phrase even once in this column. She’s interested in a man who seems to run hot and cold and she wants to know why… and so much more.  I’m not sure how I’m going to break the news to this reader – especially without using Mr. Behrendt’s pithy little book title. As you leap into today’s column keep in mind: I’d love to get more questions for Future Columns. You cansubmit your questions to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com. If you like what you read today How about spreading the word by Liking, Tweeting and Sharing it?   Okay, one of my long distance friends, we’ll call Bruce, started getting very friendly in our communications. On New Year’s Eve he messaged me several times wishing he was there. So a week after chatting and...

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Advice From The Comic Hack # 126 – The “Two’s company, Three’s Somewhat Wilder, Riskier, More Decadent Company” Edition

Aug 06

Advice From The Comic Hack # 126 – The “Two’s company, Three’s Somewhat Wilder, Riskier, More Decadent Company” Edition

The exciting young author Jarod Kintz suggests that “Sex, like business is better with multiple partners”.  Author of American classic “Tropic of Cancer” Henry Miller says “Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation… the other eight are unimportant”. Mr. Miller died in 1980 Mr. Kintz was born in 1982.  Jarod can be found on Twitter, Facebook and Amazon. Henry can be found in every American literature class ever. Jarrod Kintz is a humorist. Henry Miller is absolutely not the guy who was banging Marilyn Monroe. There was a point in my life where I evangelized about the joys of bedding multiple partners at once. I was damn-near a missionary for all things frowned-upon by missionaries. This of course also included my favorite sexual position. I proselytized about polyamory, I advocated for the adventurous, I pushed for the non-traditional  (I’m really disappointed that I couldn’t think of a word that meant “promoted” that started with the letter “N”) and I extoled  the many “virtues” of threesomes loudly and joyously.  There was a point in my life where I was convinced that I was smarter and more evolved because I wasn’t constrained by convention. Now decades later I feel smarter and more evolved because my priorities have shifted and I see the value in a deep and meaningful commitment. What I once viewed as unimaginably stultifying has turned-out to be unimaginably rewarding. Heinlein’s Lazarus Long pokes fun at the kind of astuteness I’m showing now reminding us “It’s amazing how much “mature wisdom” resembles being too tired.” I’m sure I’ve used that quote before. Today a reader asks for my advice on initiating and conducting a threesome. Excellent! While I pontificate the positives and the pitfalls let me as always ask you to like and share this column if you have a mind to do so. Do you need advice on SEX, LOVE, BUSINESS or LIFE in GENERAL?   Submit those questions to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com.  Before you scroll down: There is some NUDITY below that you may regret seeing. My husband is *ahem* very experienced, having had many women before we met. This is both of our second marriages, after long first marriages. I find him extremely sexy. I find women very sexy....

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