Advice From The Comic Hack # 125 – The Loss Of A Child You Didn’t Have Edition.

Jul 30

Advice From The Comic Hack # 125 – The Loss Of A Child You Didn’t Have Edition.

Death. Death is the great equalizer and the final arbiter. Death is the end; the silence of the grave and  the extinguishing of the light. Death is a sonovabitch. Death is hardest on the living as we are the ones left to deal with the loss.  In Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte writes “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.” But death is indifferent towards our heart’s desires. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was a surprisingly upbeat person for someone who made their bones (pardon the pun) by studying death, grief and dying.  Far from the black-clad, clove-smoking Goth you’d expect; she certainly seemed to be happy, sunny and well adjusted. She was a smart cookie too. Her optimistic outlook drove her to remind us “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.” In today’s column I advise a woman dealing with grief and loss of a very peculiar and complicated nature. My hope is that she too will rise from the depths to become stronger and more beautiful by surviving this tribulation. While I do my best to help her find the strength –let me ask you to please ‘Like’ and ‘Share’ this column today and to submit questions for future columns to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com.   Back in February my daughter found out that she was pregnant.  To be honest, given her circumstances, I was less than thrilled.  However, once I got used to the idea that I was going to be a grandparent, my attitude changed.  She wanted me to go to her first doctor’s appointment so we could both hear the heartbeat for the first time. So I made the trip from Chattanooga to Atlanta for her April 3rd appointment.  We go to the office and they put me in an exam room while they did blood work and ran other tests.  They brought my daughter to the exam room and then quickly moved us to the doctor’s office. Suffice it to say… I thought that was odd.  The...

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Advice From The Comic Hack # 124 – The “I Like Big Girls And I Cannot Lie” Edition.

Jul 09

Advice From The Comic Hack # 124 – The “I Like Big Girls And I Cannot Lie” Edition.

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it”. Those wise words were supposedly penned by philosopher, politician and author, Confucius. You have no idea how hard it was for me to NOT start the preceding sentence with the words “Confucius Say…” in my best, vaguely racist, Sidney Toler voice! In his book Proverbs William Scott Downey tells us “Judge nothing by the appearance. The more beautiful the serpent, the more fatal its sting” Regrettably I am just pedantic enough to point out that though I deeply respect the sentiment vis-à-vis beauty and danger; it is factually inaccurate. I also cannot help but point out that snakes do not possess stings. Stupid William Scott Downey! Today I give my two cent’s worth to a reader lamenting how society views curvy girls. While I weigh in – pun intended – I’d like to once again ask you to “like” “share” and comment on this article to your little heart’s content. You can also help keep this column going by submitting questions to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com So, after meeting my husband I started gaining weight.  After our second child I lost weight and was back to my size in high school.  Ironically, at my 10 year high school reunion we party too much and well got preggers with our third kid.  Gained all my weight back and haven’t been able to lose it.  That was 10 years ago and my perspective has changed.  While yes, I would love to look like a super model so I am not always overlooked.  But whether you believe it or not, I have come to a place, that has me accepting that I am going to be a big girl.  Besides, I have big boobs and I am not complaining!  So what’s my question.  Why is it that bigger girls have such a bad stigma?  I once was told that I didn’t look like a police officer’s wife, because I am frumpy and not a beauty queen.  I gave that person a horrified look and said, oh no I lost my crown!  (The look on her face was priceless).  Why can’t I be fat, and able to do many things.  I go to the gym, I walk, I...

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Advice From The Comic Hack # 123 – The Not-So-Torn Between Two Lovers And Mae West Edition

Jul 02

Advice From The Comic Hack # 123 – The Not-So-Torn Between Two Lovers And Mae West Edition

Novelist, journalist and inspiration for countless testosterone-fueled, underground, pugilistic get-togethers; Chuck Palahniuk once wrote this “Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it.” In my experience we are all defined by the choices we make whether they are thrust upon us or we have fought and scrapped for the right to make them. Let me open today’s introduction by telling you all that I am a big fan of choice. I  am tickled to death that I live in a time and a place where I am free to make more choices than almost anyone at any other time in human history. Let me bookend Chuck “I wrote Fight Club – bitches!” P’s words with those of another brave, groundbreaking artist; the one-and-only Mae West who had this to say about choice “When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.” In today’s column one of my readers wants my advice on making a choice  – or NOT making a choice – which perversely is making a choice. This could get confusing quite fast. I will at least promise you that I’m not going to make any jokes in today’s Column about the first rule of my Column is you don’t talk about my Column.  *Shudder* I want quite the opposite. Tell everyone about this column.  You can also submit questions for future columns toadvicequestions@tortugatwins.com  – Or don’t … Your choice. Am I picky? I have these 2 guys I’ve sort of been seeing. One is a great lover – absolutely world rocking. However; outside the sack it’s difficult to have a conversation. It’s not that he’s dumb, we are just on completely different planes of existence. That and all he can ever talk about is my pussy. The other one is, honestly, “meh” in bed. But we can sit and BS for hours and I really enjoy his company. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. I don’t want to be too picky, but I also don’t want to settle because I love sex but I also like to be mentally stimulated. I want it...

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