Advice From The Comic Hack # 119 – The Does Size Matter? and That Bride Is A Monster Edition.

May 14

Advice From The Comic Hack # 119 – The Does Size Matter? and That Bride Is A Monster Edition.

Soon-to-be-saint Pope John Paul the Deuce told us “The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish.”  And author of (among other things) Zombie Novels  Jeremy Aldana tell us “A man’s spirit is free, but his pride binds him with chains of suffocation in a prison of his own insecurities” What do both of these august personages have in common – other than characters risen from the dead? They both help me address tough questions posed by readers who need my help! Today I publish my One-hundred- and-nineteenth column on what just-so-happens-to-be my 49th birthday! I try to do my level best to help a young lady deal with her fella’s insecurity about the size of  his weenie – a topic which obviously doesn’t strike close to home at all (go with it – it’s my Birthday). And to help a bridesmaid cope with a creature from Nietzsche’s abyss trying to stare her down. The best part of all of this for me – other than getting to quote a Pope  – is that today I actually DO get to make plenty of real-live DICK JOKES. While I enjoy this birthday bounty; let me ask you to “LIKE” “SHARE” and “COMMENT” on this column. Do it for my birthday! You should also submit questions for future columns to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com . Now let’s blow out some candles and go to work!    Dear Comic Hack – I’ve been dating in a foreign country, and the guy I’m really stuck on right now is incredibly insecure about his penis size. In fact, we dated for 3 months before I managed to get his pants off because he was worried that I (as an American Woman) would be underwhelmed by the size of his dick. Honestly, I don’t choose relationship partners based on the size and shape of what’s in their pants – I don’t have tons of experience, and I’m not even sure how you’d vet junk size beforehand besides just… reaching down and copping a feel, which seems incredibly disrespectful. Anyway, I’ve seen his ochinko – and it seems...

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