Advice from The Comic Hack # 115 – The Know What You Owe And This Column Is Being Written During A Desert Windstorm Edition

Mar 26

Advice from The Comic Hack # 115 – The Know What You Owe And This Column Is Being Written During A Desert Windstorm Edition

Billy Shakespeare brilliantly described a hellish storm. Surprisingly it was in Julius Caesar – his historical drama – and not as you’d imagine The Tempest. He wrote “I have seen tempests when the scolding winds Have rived the knotty oaks, and I have seen Th’ ambitious ocean swell and rage and foam To be exalted with the threat’ning clouds; But never till to-night, never till now, Did I go through a tempest dropping fire.” Right now residents of the “Valley of the Sun” – the scorched desert climes around Phoenix AZ – are battening down the hatches in preparations for what we’re told is going to be a mighty wind and dust storm. God seems determined to wreak a little havoc on us. Oh yeah, and I am writing an Advice Column.  As I write this week’s column there is a quickening of the wind and a vast scurrying about as my fellow denizens of the desert seek to secure their awnings, furnishings, RVs and even tents for an unseasonably early Haboob; a swirling  wind and dust storm that descends upon this place like divine wrath. Even I a devout atheist experience a shudder of almost supernatural dread when I view photos of this awesome… literally awe-inspiring… phenomenon.  But in very ham-handed segue I’d like to point out that the two questions I offer advice on today are from people who are NOT having an awesome time. One of my readers wants to know how to deal with a deadbeat dad, and another wants to know how to deal with some less-than-kind coeds. I now stand ready to wage a war on two fronts; one of words and one against the storm. Normally at this point of my introduction I would ask you to SHARE and LIKE this column but I recently read that doing so seems needy. Damn. I do want to remind you to submit questions for me to answer in future columns by emailing them to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com. Finally let me appeal to my poetic side by giving you this cheerful little tidbit from Bob Dylan in honor of today’s meteorological hubbub: “But nothing really matters much it’s doom alone that counts. And the one-eyed undertaker he...

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Advice from The Comic Hack # 114 – The Career Corner and Wanting A New Daddy Edition.

Mar 19

Advice from The Comic Hack # 114 – The Career Corner and Wanting A New Daddy Edition.

If Facebook and the internet at large is to be believed – and it isn’t  – The Buddha tells us “If your passion does not include yourself, it is incomplete” But if Facebook is to be believed – and again, I cannot stress this enough; it absolutely isn’t – Obama is a Kenyan-born Muslim, Antichrist; vaccines cause Autism; Bill Gates will give you money if you share his photos and 9-11 was an inside job. I’ll let you decide for yourself whether to trust what you read in your Facebook newsfeed but I can assure you that you can trust this Humble Comic Hack with your secrets and with your life.  A little research – and damned little at that – tells us that the above quote was most-likely written by Jack Kornfield for his volume Buddha’s Little Instruction Book and not by Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha after all. While we’re at it, Vaccinate your kids, stop spreading ridiculous hoaxes without at least checking Snopes.com and deal with the fact that we got caught with  our proverbial pants down that early September morning 13 years ago. It may seem like I’m just showing off or pushing my liberal, (fact-based) agenda but today’s column IS all about trust, honesty, passion and compassion for yourself and your loved ones. With jokes of course. Probably dick jokes. When you’re done reading this column SHARE it with the world without fact-checking AND submit questions for future columns to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com    I had to edit this question down for size:  I am a 26 year old single mother of two amazing Kids.  I was married for five miserable painful years. I was 19, I do not remember getting pregnant, I was recovering from surgery at the time and a co-worker who seemed “nice” offered to bring groceries. Two weeks later, I was pregnant. Terrified I inquired of the co-worker who informed me that yes, we had slept together and I was all over him. I panicked, called my mother and told her she was going to be a grandma. My parents (who are what you would call highly aware of what other people think) offered this “nice” co-worker 5k to marry me right off the...

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