Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga #108 The Taking Thanksgiving Off But Watch This Beautiful, Inspirational Video Edition

Nov 27

Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga #108 The Taking Thanksgiving Off But Watch This Beautiful, Inspirational Video Edition

I hope you are each and every one thankful and have much to be thankful for. I certainly do. Enjoy yourself. Love yourself. Respect yourself. I’m taking today off  – enjoy this amazing poem. I wish I had ever written anything as beautiful and moving as this.     “If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself GET A BETTER...

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Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 107 The Crazy Cat Lady and Purloined Wedding Gift Edition

Nov 20

Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 107 The Crazy Cat Lady and Purloined Wedding Gift Edition

I recently encountered a GREAT quote that I am now compelled to share with you. “A smart person is not one that knows the answers, but one who knows where to find them…” This quote is attributed to William Petersen. Ironically enough; I cannot determine whether that means William J. Petersen the retired editor and an author with more than 20 books to his credit. Or William Petersen  the actor responsible for creating not only C.S.I.’s Gil Grissom, but the best incarnation  – so far – of the man who brought down Hannibal Lector, Will Graham.   Upon further investigation I uncovered this gem “Writing lets other people know just how much fun it is in your head…”  Amen Bother! A-MEN! Since this especially relevant-to-me quote is attributed to William J Petersen –  of The Complete Book Of Hymns fame – that not only would it be safe to assume that the opening quote isn’t the work of my favorite Manhunter – but based upon the logic in the initial quote – that I am a smart person. What a relief! However I did underestimate my ability to find the proper answer to my personal “Petersen conundrum”. I hope this fact does not undermine your confidence in me! Today I answer questions about whether you should enquire about a gift not being returned and a woman standing alone but not lonely in her golden years. Before I ask you to LIKE and SHARE this column – like I always do – I need to remind you to SUBMIT some QUESTIONS for future columns by emailing them to me at advicequestions@tortugatwins.com . I still have a couple of dozen interesting ones to answer – but the pool is running a little low. Now, go on. Read it, Like it, Share it, Tweet it, Reddit it it whatever it… etc. etc. etc. it.  Damnit!   I’m nearly 60, gainfully employed, and very happy. I’ve been separated/divorced for 5 1/2 years from a man-child that thought marriage meant being together every second.  And that I made enough money for both of us.  I realized this wasn’t how I wanted to spend the rest of my life and I cut him loose, as gently...

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Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 106 The Lingering First Love and Smack That Ass Edition.

Nov 06

Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 106 The Lingering First Love and Smack That Ass Edition.

It is written that “We are our own dragons and our own heroes. We must rescue ourselves from ourselves.”  That quote is not only from a magical work of fiction but is exactly the sort of wisdom that might one day put me out of the Advice Column Writing business – but not today. Sometimes the most profound wisdom can be found in the most surprising of sources. The quote above is one of the many gems in Peter S Beagle’s “The Last Unicorn”. It is a darling little children’s book that one cannot help but love – if for no other reason that it features a character named “Schmendrick the Magician”. If you find that you cannot take this bon mot seriously because of its source; consider that The Buddha also said “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” That Buddha, he’s one smart (fortune) cookie! Despite the learned wisdom of this august body I am going to try and guide two readers – one who likes the rough stuff and the other hasn’t ever gotten past her first, real love – as they try to navigate their own thorny paths through the wild underbrush. Look! I wrote all of that without making the de rigueur “bush’ or “prick” joke. See? I AM wise like the Buddha! While I pat myself on the back for my own amazing display of taste and restraint I will implore you to “LIKE” and “SHARE” this column after you read it. Not now! After…  Don’t be so damned eager!   “Let’s just say a girl fell in love with a man at a nice young age. She fell so deeply (as most 1st loves do), that she still thinks about him every now and then (maybe once a week), it taking her nearly a year to get over him (she broke up with him). NOW, fast forward 4 years and several relationships past. Yet she still cannot find a guy who she feels such a strong attraction towards like she did a mere few years ago. She does not compare each current man to him in any way shape or...

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