Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 105 The Marriage Lost and Marriage Resurrected Edition

Oct 30

Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 105 The Marriage Lost and Marriage Resurrected Edition

Truth-seeker, toga clothes-horse, hemlock taste-tester, and pedagogic creator of the “Socratic method” (Whoever saw that coming?) Socrates had this gem to offer when asked about marriage “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”  A little more than 2,300 years later the father of countless false-nose disguises, Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx professed “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” And lest you think I’m only quoting old, white dudes today, psychologist, author, television personality and 70’s sexpot Dr. Joyce Brothers said “My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.” Today’s Advice Column is all about marriage and its sometimes unhappy ending.   Sir Robert Anderson of London, England tells us “In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage.”  The divorce rate today in these great United States is arguably fifty percent! With odds like that  maybe we should start a new tradition and instead of throwing the bouquets and driving off in car festooned by cans and soapy script, we should have the bride and groom flip a coin and if it comes up tails; split their belongings right there on the spot  and walk away before there are children involved. In today’s column I seek to advise a couple who found grounds for divorce and another who chose to stick it out after he stuck it in… where he shouldn’t have. Just like always I am going to ask you to help me make this column more popular by liking and sharing it by using the cleverly provided icons below. Now – go read the darned thing!   I am a 23 year old mother of 3 kids I broke up with my husband/spouse of 7  years last October. We both agreed to file for the divorce jointly, but thus far I have been the only one doing the paper work and I need his information to help fill it out. He is not wanting to help me in the least bit. What am I to...

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Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 104 The Wishy-washy Ex and Another Virgin Edition

Oct 09

Advice From Scaramouche Tortuga # 104 The Wishy-washy Ex and Another Virgin Edition

Lao Tzu, philosopher, purported deity and inscrutable author of the Tao Te Ching once voiced this Ancient Chinese Secret ™ “Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to.” I’d love to dispute that hoary quote – but because I have to answer two more questions from the concerned and the confused -I just don’t have the time. Also; in today’s Advice Column I get to use the word “Twat-nozzle”!    I am now once again back on what is as close to a normal schedule as possible in my hectic, life. I promise you: It was my crazy schedule and cross-country travel that prevented me writing a new column last week and most assuredly not my lack of forethought or preparation. Carl Sandburg, the white-suited inventor of a delicious method of frying chicken (citation needed) said “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” Today I am gonna spend a chunk of that change to proffer advice to a woman who doesn’t see the light and young lady wondering about the attraction of seeing action.  After you have read my scribbling for the week – I’d like to ask the following of you. Please help spread the word about this column using the icons below. Please submit some more questions using the link at the end of the column and please give me a nine-piece bucket of original recipe ™.   Dear, Scaramouche: I have a man that keeps texting me and telling me that he wants to see me. He travels for work a lot. We used to date, but I haven’t seen him in a few months. He never follows through on his promises to see me when he gets home, but he won’t stop texting or bothering me! What’s up with that?? I really liked him, and it makes it hard to move on. How can I tell him once and for all to make a decision and stick with it?!  The shortest possible solution to this dilemma is to...

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